A bit of toilet reading for my significant other

So when I asked my Husband the reason why it takes him literally 40 minutes to empty his bowels of an evening… he explained that the reason behind his everlasting evening poo is, because he likes to check twitter, facebook, maybe have a catch up with a friend and also browse my status’ 

Therefore I proceeded to make a suggestion that since he had so much free time available for this event perhaps he would consider reading one of my blogs? He then stated that he didn’t understand how to find them and then asked if they were about him… When I told him they weren’t, but that they were in fact mostly about nipple shields, on-going hemorrhoid problems and bargain shopping he seemed remarkably disappointed.. Hence why I am writing a blog about him.. To give him some decent toilet reading material, for this evening.

So this is my husband..

 We met 4 years ago when we both started uni, he was quite energetic and I thought he had a good sense of humour when he told me he lived for wrestling... little did I know he wasn’t making a joke. He basically moved in with me straight away, unofficially. We spent 2 years living onsite at the hospital and then 2 years living in a flat of our own. Living with my Husband can sometimes be a dream and sometimes it can be testing. There’s no in-between with him he’s either so happy you can see his smile from a mile away or he’s so moody that it’s pretty clear to all around he’s not feeling on top form that day. Although he’s pretty easy to cheer up and a homemade lasagne or a trip to the cleaning aisle in Tesco’s usually lifts his spirits.

So my husband is a Nurse, he doesn’t wear a uniform but he does wear scrubs.. which I’m personally chuffed about because in my opinion scrubs are far more attractive on a man than a nurse’s uniform. He’s an endoscopy nurse, so he spends his days investigating people’s insides using long camera’s, these camera’s either travel down the throat or up peoples rear ends.. We both spend a lot of time with other people’s rear ends in our jobs.. Which would explain our inability to become embarrassed about toilet talk.. We have become immune to it, and we’re no longer aware of what is and isn’t acceptable dinner time conversation. 

But he’s not just a nurse, he has many passions other than troubled rear ends.. He’s a wrestling fanatic and can answer any wrestling question thrown at him.. We once played a game where I would play the first minute of a wrestler’s entrance song, and he would guess which wrestler the song belonged to, he of course got them all right! He is also the proud owner of a WWE wrestling replica belt, which he’s placed neatly on our front room shelf for all to see.

Because of this when we go away on holiday or on a day out he tends to get on really well with other young boys with the same appreciation for wrestling, the conversation moves quickly from innocent chit chat about their favour wrestling moves to my husband actually demonstrating ‘The Tombstone’ on a young boy.. I usually stand there not knowing what to do but give a quick smile over to the boy’s mother to let her know he means no harm, whilst my husband waves at me mid motion to make sure I’m watching.. I sometimes grab for the camera to capture the moment but that usually only encourages him more, so over the years I’ve learnt to just give him the thumbs up and then attempt to quickly move on. 

Other than his desire to wrestle he loves a good shop! This I adore because we’re as bad as each other! I hate it when guys just linger behind looking lost, almost like they’d rather jump off a building than be inside a shop with their wife! He has a strong fondness for shoes and all things bright, often spending a good half an hour in Topman debating whether or not he should invest in a new piece of knitwear or if his money would be better spent on boat shoes or slim jeans… I am of course usually to blame for encouraging him to buy all three! But it has to be said that he is easily swayed.

Now my husband is a very intelligent guy, he can understand pathology and physiology in an instant.. he adores science and has helped me to understand certain parts of the body on many occasions! He learns quickly on the job and can demonstrate his knowledge clearly with confidence. But when it comes to some things he bewilders me. On occasion he may come across as a bit of a numpty.. I wish I kept note of all the wonderful daft things he comes out with! But for now I will share a few. He has ‘blonde’ moments.. Despite having black hair and quite frankly having no excuse for these moments.

The other day I asked him if he would like lamb for tea, due to his puzzled looking face I added ‘I will make it tender’ to which he then replied ‘oh no I only like lamb in slices’. Another moment was when we were in Devon he asked me if we were by the Irish sea.. and then though that sangria was made from ‘vodka and a portion of lemon’.  Let’s see what else? That lovely curry you cooked for me where you replaced chicken with eggs as ‘they both do come from a chicken’. When you mistook a naturist for someone that enjoys digging, or when you expressed how talented a musician Ed Sheeran was because he can sing and play a guitar at the same time!! .. But don’t worry darling all these things make you more endearing to me.

I could go on and on about his passions and daft moments all day, so I’ll round him up with some words and then move onto my next husband dedicated paragraph, so to get a perfect picture of him I would say; Filipino food, rom coms, all things chicken, coca cola, obsessional clean freak, impulsive, ever mood changing, gym, veet, weekly barber visits, repetitive American sitcoms, sports fanatic, basketball lover, good jumper and leaper, amazing father, son, older brother, husband, friend, gossip lover, centre of attention, and probably the most approachable person I know. So hopefully those who know him will agree with some of those words representing him and others will build a picture from them. 

So we’ve grown together really, we qualified together, got a place together, got married, had a baby.. All pretty huge things to go through in life, all things that can test a couple’s relationship I suppose.. But despite all the challenges and what not we’re pretty solid.. sure sometimes when he insists on sticking his chin in my back to get his way, pretends to be Scottish, breaks wind an obscene amount or pretends to be totally incapable of putting a pizza in the oven.. I think he’s smashing! He’s my husband and the father of our baby and I think he’s doing a splendid job! 

So there it is my tribute to you my husband! By now you will probably be around 10 minutes through you’re evening toilet time, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about yourself.. P.s can you please put the toilet roll back on the toilet roll holder! I hate that you leave it on the side.