Relocating strains, sweats and struggles

Moving with a child is surely something people in the world do all the time, quite often with more than one child! Or a dog or a teenager or heaven forbid teenagers… or dogs.

So why am I finding it so challenging to move with my 3 month old? She doesn’t walk or need real food but yet I seem to be working my derriere off all day.. However nothing seems to be progressing!

Blogging probably isn’t assisting in any way at all but I feel I need to outlet my annoyance, beneath the endless amounts of box’s and my attention wanting infant. 

My daughter has learnt how to shout this week, which she is demonstrating nicely as I type away, it’s a sort of grunting sheep noise which she clearly feels she needs to express, very loudly, above any other noise occurring.. Anywhere! 

So basically we’re moving! Now that the little grunting cherub is at the stage where she needs to be in a proper cot, with her own floor to roll around on and stuff! Not to mention we’re getting pretty fed up of living amongst the entire contents of Mothercare’s spring summer collection.. Which is awkward and an actual danger to my poor stubbed to bits toes. 

We currently live in a tiny 1 bedroom flat that we stayed in as students, we have an 80’s style kitchen and a neighbour who collects bread for his horses, which is bothersome to say the least.. As it means we constantly have the biggest family of beetles living at the bottom of our stairs. 

So packing.. Oh my word! I’m trying so hard to multitask between filling up box’s, providing my daughter with her breast breaks, where I also take my break to demolish any food I can find.. Whilst trying not to cover her head in crumbs. It’s really tricky! I’m like wonder woman! Never did I work this hard when I was at work! I’ve also become super strong.. Like I can move whole actually pieces of furniture on my own, with one hand! (The other hand I use to wave of these ridiculous flying spiders! They seem to love my home too! The beetles must have told them about the bread).

Also as well as packing I’m on the phone to different people trying to move things over to the new address, which I hate doing because I think I sound about 8 on the phone, and they so don’t take me seriously when I propose they give me a discount for being a loyal customer. Doesn’t help that my daughter lets rip whenever she feels to, usually when I’m on the phone! Leaving me unsure about whether to pretend the farting noise didn’t happen or to blame her, which would be the truth! But they wouldn’t believe me, and it certainly wouldn’t help me get a discount.

So overall I’m a big moaning mess, as is my daughter! Who is now having a tantrum? Are they supposed to do this at 3 months? Hopefully by next week the trauma of this will be a distant memory and I can sit back and enjoy my new spacious surroundings.. So yes my conclusion is.. Packing with baby attached to breast, Husband at work and sore toes is horrendous and wearing, and I think that anyone that has to endure this experience definitely deserves a new pair of shoes! At least!

Giving birth and all that jazz

No one ever said giving birth was a walk in the park I know this, but some people do it like 5 times don’t they, and their still alive! So I honestly was a bit cocky about the whole labor situation.. I naively thought ok I’ve had a few tattoos.. had my ears pierced twice how different can it be, pain is pain and after all that’s really want women’s bodies were made for isn’t it.. 

I considered hypnobirthing, home birth, all the different kinds of birth you can have.. I ended up having some low platelet problems and having no other option but to have a high risk labor ward birth.. bosh tosh!! Not the calm, smelly candle, head massaging kind of birth I was hoping for. 

Now that was decided for me I thought what the heck let’s just have all the drugs! So I wrote my birth plan out listing all the drugs I’d like! Being a first time mum I actually thought they would read my birth plan.. they don’t. So being all ready for all the drugs, thinking ahh well I’ve had tattoo’s I was ready and eager for the big day.

1 membrane sweep, 3 internal investigations, 2 days of contractions later and I was eating my words. Hands up to all the women that have twins and stuff cripes!!! Never in my life have I experienced the feelings I was having, exhilarating feelings as well of course but (pregnant women about to give birth please don’t read this bit) the most throbbing, agonising experience I have ever had in my life! I thought I was dying! I thought I had died! I actually thought the world had ended!

Any how, on the 18^th of June at 9am I was 4cm dilated.. by 11am I was 10! Fast work or what!! I ended up not receiving the benefits of any lovely drugs apart from gas and air which I believe I actually became addicted to! I had a failed epidural and I was shattered! Like being on the raz for 11 nights, hung over, walked a million miles in heels tired! I was told I had to push so that is what I did.

I really truly pushed! Out shot the catheter that had been inserted when they tried to give me an epidural, I was making noises I didn’t know I could generate! The gas and air was making me windy which was very comical while I was high.. but that stuff quickly wares off and reality hits within about 3 seconds. I pushed for an hour and a half, I kept hearing “there’s the head” then “it’s gone back up again” it was ghastly!

If you’ve ever watched any of the Saw films, that is how it felt! I was on the bed.. being tortured, blood everywhere, legs up in stirrups, that hour and a half felt like a life time. So after all that pushing I began to beg.. I didn’t give a toss how they got my daughter out as long as they got her out some how, in came the doctors and out came the vacuum, I had no idea this was happening.. but my husband tells me that it was like a big plunger being stuck to our babies head and they were pulling her.. almost like a tug of war, that kind of feet apart and pull action!!

Vacuum came off her head, so out came the scissors, I was snipped down there! So they did that and then pulled her out.. ouch. But then the most beautiful little messy person was put on my chest! Tons of black hair stuck to her hair, she was absolutely miniscule and flawless.

They proceeded to stitch me back up which took ages as they did it wrong and had to re do me.. that was another oh my god am I actually dieing moment! Next thing I knew I had midwives grabbing my nipples and pushing (almost head butting) by babied head against my boob. That didn’t work so they sent me on my way to recover and passed me over to the postnatal ward guys.

I was so so horrified at the experience I had just had I couldn’t actually sleep at all that night as I kept getting flash backs. I just starred at my baby all night I was in awe of her, she was so calm and looked just like my mother. I remember thinking that every minute of the pain was worthwhile and I’d do a million times over to get the same result! bleurgh sickly sweet I know but I would.

The morning after I was ready to get out of there.. like if I could have walked without my feet being a meter apart from each other.. so much so that I took up the whole corridor, I would have escaped! I went to the toilet because they said I had to, and looked down at myself in disbelief.. I don’t know if my post-partum swelling was any worse than anyone else’s but blow me sideways I did not expect it to be that much (don’t worry pregnant people it does go down).

Things were a bit tricky for a few weeks after, a couple of my stitches burst, I had to take a pillow everywhere I went and I remember swearing that I would never ever have fall pregnant again. 

I’m now 3 months postpartum and feeling glorious, I still remember the pain.. but I’m still alive and I had a natural delivery! How cool is that to say! I will have another baby, I maybe even two more! (not three though) but in a weird way it’s actually quite addictive! Like tattoo’s! It hurts but the adrenaline and the reward at the end is awesome. Obviously my daughter is much more awesome than a tattoo though. 

Haemorrhoids are now the only things remaining that remind me of the whole labor thing, their annoying and you don’t get much of a reward at the end like you do a baby or a tattoo. But I’d say that’s a small price to pay for being able to be a mummy :)

Breast is best… for me

Breastfeeding.. a delightful, nourishing experience  which I have now become totally fixated with.. and to be honest, breastfeeding now rules my life! Where I go, when I can go out, how long for and what equipment I need to take along with me.

If you don’t like boobs.. or if you find breastfeeding unpleasant then maybe this post isn’t for you. If you’re a teenage boy who is in the peak of exploring breasts as sexual objects this isn’t for you, as breastfeeding boobs aren’t erotic! They leak and they swell and they don’t sit nicely in a lace bra, they come with pads and clip able wireless bras and in my case a baby attached for the most part of the day. 

Why did I decide to breastfeed? Because its free, because it’s good for the baby, it’s helped me to lose loads of weight whilst still being able to eat a colossal amount of food.. I know breastfeeding isn’t easy! Trust me it takes work, a lot of people can’t.. and that’s fine! So I don’t want anyone to think I’m one of those crazy tree hugging women who travel the streets with flyers about pro-restaurant breastfeeding or whatever, it’s your choice as a mother as to how you want to feed your baby! But for those experiencing the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding.. Here’s my experience so far..

The hospital were completely hopeless at teaching me how to breastfeed, I ended up taking myself home with a syringe and syringing the colostrum out, collecting it and giving it to my baby that way.. I was so determined to do it but she just couldn’t latch. I spent the first night at home trying to get her to feed.. 4 hours of pure frustration, pain and chapped bleeding nipples, the joys.

Things carried on pretty much the same, people kept asking me how breastfeeding was going and I’d smile and pretend that it was going magnificently as I just didn’t want to admit defeat.. it’s weird as I’m usually quite good at giving up on things.. but I don’t think I’ve actually ever been so determined to do something, not because of any pressure I was receiving, or judgement.. I don’t know, it was just something I really wanted to accomplish.

So 4 days post-partum and I wake up with the hardest, biggest scariest Jordan like boobs ever! It felt as if I were carrying footballs under my armpits (footballs which kept leaking) This was actually quite exhilaraing to me as it meant my boobs worked! Still not having much luck with the whole latching thing I unwrapped the breast pump and began to pump like there was no tomorrow.. At first it was sort of a novelty and it was a splendid  feeling being able to make all these bottles and have my husband help with the whole feeding the baby thing and getting involved  too! I ended up not actually feeding my daughter at all, I’d just pump, store, feed.. (I become obsessed with things and I think that for those few days is was my breast pump).

This whole bizarre pattern carried on for a while until wham wallop mastitis hit me.. and oh my word did it hit me! I have never felt so ill in my whole life! I couldn’t move, eat, sleep, I had no energy and my boobs felt as though they were on fire! Not wanting to bother the doc I did a bit of internet research and decided that I would beat this blasted thing but continuing to feed through it, until I was all normal again. How unrealistic was i!! How naive was I to put my trust in wikipedia.

I ended up seeking real medical advice, got myself some antibiotics and had a nice little lesson from the midwife on getting your baby to latch.. After 3 days of feeling as if I was actually going to die I got the news from the midwife! A diagnosis of “well you’re babies got nothing to latch onto really has she” turns out my nipples aren’t good nipples! So I got a lesson on how to use breast shields and since then I have never looked back. I now can’t go anywhere without my little yellow box, containing my two very special plastic nipple shields which provide nice big fake nipples for my daughter to latch onto...  My husband now comments when we know someone else that can successfully breastfeed without these add ons that they must have good nipples, unlike mine. (It’s amazing how once you’ve gone through or seen you’re wife in labor,  that you then feel it’s acceptable to publicly compare and discuss the size and capability of ones nipples)

Now the actual pain of breastfeeding is debatable.. my mother swears by there being no pain associated with breastfeeding as long as you’re doing it right, and others find it absolutely agonising. I myself found it excruciating! For a good 11 weeks or so, but only for the first few seconds before you get you’re milk flowing. But to be honest it’s nothing compared to labor, or haemorrhoids, or having stiches or even that first wee after giving birth (ouch).

So now I’m all sorted and I’m feeding like a real breast feeder (despite my special plastic nipples) I’m pretty chuffed! I love the whole bond thing you get and I love not having to sterilise constantly, although don’t get me wrong having to pump constantly just to go to Tesco’s because you have issues with nakedness is bothersome. (I don’t have a problem with public breastfeeding, I just have issues with doing it myself) I did it in whetherspoons once!!! Can’t believe I actually did that! but my order came whilst doing so and despite having my daughter covered up but my flowery shawl, I couldn’t control my face blushing just because I knew that I was sort of naked in a pub! I don’t know I just think I’m more of a toilet hider, which is bad really but sometimes I secretly enjoy the alone time with her, it's my sort of reflective time.

Despite it being challenging, demanding and a bit sore and sometimes problematic when in public I adore it, and I plan to do it until the little one doesn’t want it anymore! Obviously I draw the line at like 5 because that’s just peculiar but I’m in no rush to get her onto any sort of follow on formula stuff..  So yes hooray to breast feeding! Any advice to the super new mums would be stick it out if you really want to do it! And explore other breast accessories be it electrical or plastic as it’s so worth it in the end.

Having a go at my first ever blog

Ok so not sure how this all works, this is my first blog and I’m hoping I write something appropriate? Or at least something people will want to read? Don’t know, but really I think it’s a good time to start this blogging stuff as I believe people are getting fed up of my constant facebook status’s about my child’s development.. Be it her first giggle or that I she enjoyed the bath I just gave her.. Which of course Is all very interesting to me and maybe a couple of the other new mums on my friends list :-S but really I feel it’s now time to expand my baby obsession nonsense with other people that perhaps either know what I’m talking about or maybe just like reading baby nonsense..

So I think I’ve introduced myself on my profile which asked me loads of about me questions, which I hate because I don’t really think looking back on it I portrayed myself as being that interesting, but having said that I no longer have the energy to go and do it again. But also if all my interests look a bit blubbery to you I’ll round it up on here…

I’m Female, 25, Nurse, Mum, New Mum, Wife, Flowers, painted flower pots, new baby called Cassie, Clothes addiction, love old people and enjoy playing in the kitchen.  So there we go, I think that’s an introduction to my blog!? This is very fun so far as there’s no word limit!

Hopefully this will be a bit of an outlet for me, for when I get frustrated with the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding (which I now talk about at least 20 times a day) also I may have little outbursts about the fact I desperately need another outfit to wear to the party I’m not sure I’m going to but will need an outfit just in case (but prob won’t go to) not that I get invited to many parties, more ‘mums coffee afternoons’ at the local starbucks and that sort of stuff. 

I’ve yet to actually really make friends with any other mums in Slough but the Health Visitor invites me to events now and again so I turn a blind eye and when someone asks how I am,  I pretend I have a fabulous new mum about town kind of social life!  

I’ll also use this as a kind of baby development thing, so I can give all my childless still having a great social life friends a break..

But really that’s it, don’t want to go on and on, starting to feel like I could reveille too much about myself at this point, you already know I have no friends, paint flower pots and start most conversations with “I just have to breastfeed my baby” so I’ll leave it there, leave you hanging in angst for my next blog.. don’t know how you end these things? The End xxx