Breast is best… for me

Breastfeeding.. a delightful, nourishing experience  which I have now become totally fixated with.. and to be honest, breastfeeding now rules my life! Where I go, when I can go out, how long for and what equipment I need to take along with me.

If you don’t like boobs.. or if you find breastfeeding unpleasant then maybe this post isn’t for you. If you’re a teenage boy who is in the peak of exploring breasts as sexual objects this isn’t for you, as breastfeeding boobs aren’t erotic! They leak and they swell and they don’t sit nicely in a lace bra, they come with pads and clip able wireless bras and in my case a baby attached for the most part of the day. 

Why did I decide to breastfeed? Because its free, because it’s good for the baby, it’s helped me to lose loads of weight whilst still being able to eat a colossal amount of food.. I know breastfeeding isn’t easy! Trust me it takes work, a lot of people can’t.. and that’s fine! So I don’t want anyone to think I’m one of those crazy tree hugging women who travel the streets with flyers about pro-restaurant breastfeeding or whatever, it’s your choice as a mother as to how you want to feed your baby! But for those experiencing the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding.. Here’s my experience so far..

The hospital were completely hopeless at teaching me how to breastfeed, I ended up taking myself home with a syringe and syringing the colostrum out, collecting it and giving it to my baby that way.. I was so determined to do it but she just couldn’t latch. I spent the first night at home trying to get her to feed.. 4 hours of pure frustration, pain and chapped bleeding nipples, the joys.

Things carried on pretty much the same, people kept asking me how breastfeeding was going and I’d smile and pretend that it was going magnificently as I just didn’t want to admit defeat.. it’s weird as I’m usually quite good at giving up on things.. but I don’t think I’ve actually ever been so determined to do something, not because of any pressure I was receiving, or judgement.. I don’t know, it was just something I really wanted to accomplish.

So 4 days post-partum and I wake up with the hardest, biggest scariest Jordan like boobs ever! It felt as if I were carrying footballs under my armpits (footballs which kept leaking) This was actually quite exhilaraing to me as it meant my boobs worked! Still not having much luck with the whole latching thing I unwrapped the breast pump and began to pump like there was no tomorrow.. At first it was sort of a novelty and it was a splendid  feeling being able to make all these bottles and have my husband help with the whole feeding the baby thing and getting involved  too! I ended up not actually feeding my daughter at all, I’d just pump, store, feed.. (I become obsessed with things and I think that for those few days is was my breast pump).

This whole bizarre pattern carried on for a while until wham wallop mastitis hit me.. and oh my word did it hit me! I have never felt so ill in my whole life! I couldn’t move, eat, sleep, I had no energy and my boobs felt as though they were on fire! Not wanting to bother the doc I did a bit of internet research and decided that I would beat this blasted thing but continuing to feed through it, until I was all normal again. How unrealistic was i!! How naive was I to put my trust in wikipedia.

I ended up seeking real medical advice, got myself some antibiotics and had a nice little lesson from the midwife on getting your baby to latch.. After 3 days of feeling as if I was actually going to die I got the news from the midwife! A diagnosis of “well you’re babies got nothing to latch onto really has she” turns out my nipples aren’t good nipples! So I got a lesson on how to use breast shields and since then I have never looked back. I now can’t go anywhere without my little yellow box, containing my two very special plastic nipple shields which provide nice big fake nipples for my daughter to latch onto...  My husband now comments when we know someone else that can successfully breastfeed without these add ons that they must have good nipples, unlike mine. (It’s amazing how once you’ve gone through or seen you’re wife in labor,  that you then feel it’s acceptable to publicly compare and discuss the size and capability of ones nipples)

Now the actual pain of breastfeeding is debatable.. my mother swears by there being no pain associated with breastfeeding as long as you’re doing it right, and others find it absolutely agonising. I myself found it excruciating! For a good 11 weeks or so, but only for the first few seconds before you get you’re milk flowing. But to be honest it’s nothing compared to labor, or haemorrhoids, or having stiches or even that first wee after giving birth (ouch).

So now I’m all sorted and I’m feeding like a real breast feeder (despite my special plastic nipples) I’m pretty chuffed! I love the whole bond thing you get and I love not having to sterilise constantly, although don’t get me wrong having to pump constantly just to go to Tesco’s because you have issues with nakedness is bothersome. (I don’t have a problem with public breastfeeding, I just have issues with doing it myself) I did it in whetherspoons once!!! Can’t believe I actually did that! but my order came whilst doing so and despite having my daughter covered up but my flowery shawl, I couldn’t control my face blushing just because I knew that I was sort of naked in a pub! I don’t know I just think I’m more of a toilet hider, which is bad really but sometimes I secretly enjoy the alone time with her, it's my sort of reflective time.

Despite it being challenging, demanding and a bit sore and sometimes problematic when in public I adore it, and I plan to do it until the little one doesn’t want it anymore! Obviously I draw the line at like 5 because that’s just peculiar but I’m in no rush to get her onto any sort of follow on formula stuff..  So yes hooray to breast feeding! Any advice to the super new mums would be stick it out if you really want to do it! And explore other breast accessories be it electrical or plastic as it’s so worth it in the end.