My on & off relationship with Mr Fake Tan

So Mr Fake Tan and I have had our good times, our bad times and our horrifically embarrassing times! No matter how many times he fails me I can’t help but carry on trying him out, in the hope that one day he’ll pull through and give me a gloriously long lasting natural looking tan. 

This is a bit different; I’m not going to talk about being a mum in this post because this is about me. I know I have a new baby and I shouldn’t really have time for this but she sleeps! And it’s when she sleeps that I get the mitt out and begin my personal fake tan review time.

Of course I cook and clean as well but quite often the hovering has been done naked, legs firmly apart so not to rub… drying off my tangerine glow, praying that no random visiting people turn up for an un warned cuddle with my daughter. 

Right so I’m going to talk about a few products if you’re interested? If you’re not then at least you totally didn’t waste your time because you now know that I hoover naked and orange and if you can picture it that should make you chuckle... However apologies if I’ve made any of you feel at all sick at the thought. 

I’m going to review 8 products! I know that’s an awful lot and you’re probably thinking of for goodness sake don’t blogs usually only review one or two… but I promise to keep it brief and get right to the point.

St Moriz

So first off I’m going to talk about this famous mousse which is the tan that claims to be exactly the same as ‘St Tropez’ however unlike ‘St Tropez’ it’s only £2.99 from Savers! 

This tan is amazing! For £2.99 you can’t go wrong! I do however look like a muddy puddle whilst I’m waiting for it to develop, and it does come off all patchy… but it’s £2.99! And really and truly it is no different to ‘St Tropez’! It’s not orange it’s brown but it does smell like biscuits! But I’ll say it again… its £2.99!!!

Fake Bake

Next up is this instant matt tan; to be honest I don’t know why I bought it because I’m scared of wash off tan! If you get wet or your sweat or you cry… you’ll look like a wolly.

However it is great if it’s already 7pm and you suddenly have to go out and you look a bit dead and you need some colour! Like a tinted moisturiser kind of, I wouldn’t trust putting it all over because the back of the knees can sweat and that can only lead to disaster. Bit orangey too if I’m honest, wouldn’t rate it more than 4/10.

SunKissed

Ok next up is this tan mousse… I bought this because I thought the advert for it was cool.

It’s really runny! But in a good way! The colour is brown not orange, it only costs £3.99 and it it’s really just the same kind of thing as the ‘St Moriz’ but easier to apply! Only thing I found with this one was after 2 days I looked like a snake! Not sure whether that was down to my own exfoliating negligence, but even so I’m not willing to attempt for a second try as I’ll probably just look like a snake again.

GOSH

Next up is this self-tan, now I have this in the lotion and the mousse, but here’s a picture of the mousse.

When I saw this in Superdrug I was extremely excited! I love ‘GOSH’ and I love their ‘darling’ lip stick (even though it makes me look ill) it looks nice on everyone else! But any how this tan was yellow! I looked jaundice! If you have more of an olivey complexion then this could be lovely as it provides an even coverage but for the pale porkies like me it’s a no go.

Loreal

This is a self-tanning mist… it has a cool nozzle which I don’t believe makes any different but I think it’s cool anyway.

This is my saviour tan! I only use it on my face; it’s something I use when my other tans fading and I need a bit of a boost! I wouldn’t use it all over because if I did that then I’d end up using the whole bottle and I’d probably miss bits anyway because it’s not an instant colour. But definitely a gooden, I like it a lot, and it doesn’t smell.

Marks & Spencers

I used to get a fake tan from Marks & Spencers and it was magnificent! Although they seem to have stopped doing it! So when I went in to re stock I found this sitting there instead...

Its Tess Dayleys gradual self-tan. Now I’m guessing Tess Dayley herself doesn’t use this as its glittery and makes no difference to your colour whatsoever. If you want to go to a party as a fairy then this is great! But otherwise no… and it smells a bit like bread.

St Tropez

Now I have tried the whole ‘St Tropez’ collection… I used ‘St Tropez’ from the age of about 18 to 22! So a pretty long time! I actually swore by it… 

I’m not too sure why I swore by it? I think it’s because it’s so expensive! And when things are expensive it makes me believe it must be good... I’m a sellers dream. But really and truly it’s not all that! I think you pay for the name, but honestly I see no difference between the 'St tropez' mousse and the 'St Moriz' mousse, or this gradual tan and the supermarket 'Cocoa Butter' gradual tan! colour wise anyway.. I know which one smells better!

Vita Liberata

Finally... I thought I’d leave this till last because it’s sensationally amazing!!! I’ve got it in the extra rich silken chocolate gel…

I seriously can’t love this product anymore! It’s reasonably priced at around £17, its organic, it doesn’t smell, you can look normal whilst it develops… I could go on and on. I’d heard people talk about it, as it’s all natural ingredients and stuff so I thought I’d give it a go, I opted for the extra rich colour as it actually say’s on the box ‘if you have very pale, hard to tan skin then this is your product’ and like the geek that I am I thought yippee that’s me! But yes it’s sensational and I’m a convert! I shall be sticking to this one indeed.

So after a rather long up and down relationship with Mr Fake Tan he finally pulled through for me. Mr Vita Liberata is a stud and I found him in Boots… Hurrah to finding love at last.