A bit of toilet reading for my significant other

So when I asked my Husband the reason why it takes him literally 40 minutes to empty his bowels of an evening… he explained that the reason behind his everlasting evening poo is, because he likes to check twitter, facebook, maybe have a catch up with a friend and also browse my status’ 

Therefore I proceeded to make a suggestion that since he had so much free time available for this event perhaps he would consider reading one of my blogs? He then stated that he didn’t understand how to find them and then asked if they were about him… When I told him they weren’t, but that they were in fact mostly about nipple shields, on-going hemorrhoid problems and bargain shopping he seemed remarkably disappointed.. Hence why I am writing a blog about him.. To give him some decent toilet reading material, for this evening.

So this is my husband..

 We met 4 years ago when we both started uni, he was quite energetic and I thought he had a good sense of humour when he told me he lived for wrestling... little did I know he wasn’t making a joke. He basically moved in with me straight away, unofficially. We spent 2 years living onsite at the hospital and then 2 years living in a flat of our own. Living with my Husband can sometimes be a dream and sometimes it can be testing. There’s no in-between with him he’s either so happy you can see his smile from a mile away or he’s so moody that it’s pretty clear to all around he’s not feeling on top form that day. Although he’s pretty easy to cheer up and a homemade lasagne or a trip to the cleaning aisle in Tesco’s usually lifts his spirits.

So my husband is a Nurse, he doesn’t wear a uniform but he does wear scrubs.. which I’m personally chuffed about because in my opinion scrubs are far more attractive on a man than a nurse’s uniform. He’s an endoscopy nurse, so he spends his days investigating people’s insides using long camera’s, these camera’s either travel down the throat or up peoples rear ends.. We both spend a lot of time with other people’s rear ends in our jobs.. Which would explain our inability to become embarrassed about toilet talk.. We have become immune to it, and we’re no longer aware of what is and isn’t acceptable dinner time conversation. 

But he’s not just a nurse, he has many passions other than troubled rear ends.. He’s a wrestling fanatic and can answer any wrestling question thrown at him.. We once played a game where I would play the first minute of a wrestler’s entrance song, and he would guess which wrestler the song belonged to, he of course got them all right! He is also the proud owner of a WWE wrestling replica belt, which he’s placed neatly on our front room shelf for all to see.

Because of this when we go away on holiday or on a day out he tends to get on really well with other young boys with the same appreciation for wrestling, the conversation moves quickly from innocent chit chat about their favour wrestling moves to my husband actually demonstrating ‘The Tombstone’ on a young boy.. I usually stand there not knowing what to do but give a quick smile over to the boy’s mother to let her know he means no harm, whilst my husband waves at me mid motion to make sure I’m watching.. I sometimes grab for the camera to capture the moment but that usually only encourages him more, so over the years I’ve learnt to just give him the thumbs up and then attempt to quickly move on. 

Other than his desire to wrestle he loves a good shop! This I adore because we’re as bad as each other! I hate it when guys just linger behind looking lost, almost like they’d rather jump off a building than be inside a shop with their wife! He has a strong fondness for shoes and all things bright, often spending a good half an hour in Topman debating whether or not he should invest in a new piece of knitwear or if his money would be better spent on boat shoes or slim jeans… I am of course usually to blame for encouraging him to buy all three! But it has to be said that he is easily swayed.

Now my husband is a very intelligent guy, he can understand pathology and physiology in an instant.. he adores science and has helped me to understand certain parts of the body on many occasions! He learns quickly on the job and can demonstrate his knowledge clearly with confidence. But when it comes to some things he bewilders me. On occasion he may come across as a bit of a numpty.. I wish I kept note of all the wonderful daft things he comes out with! But for now I will share a few. He has ‘blonde’ moments.. Despite having black hair and quite frankly having no excuse for these moments.

The other day I asked him if he would like lamb for tea, due to his puzzled looking face I added ‘I will make it tender’ to which he then replied ‘oh no I only like lamb in slices’. Another moment was when we were in Devon he asked me if we were by the Irish sea.. and then though that sangria was made from ‘vodka and a portion of lemon’.  Let’s see what else? That lovely curry you cooked for me where you replaced chicken with eggs as ‘they both do come from a chicken’. When you mistook a naturist for someone that enjoys digging, or when you expressed how talented a musician Ed Sheeran was because he can sing and play a guitar at the same time!! .. But don’t worry darling all these things make you more endearing to me.

I could go on and on about his passions and daft moments all day, so I’ll round him up with some words and then move onto my next husband dedicated paragraph, so to get a perfect picture of him I would say; Filipino food, rom coms, all things chicken, coca cola, obsessional clean freak, impulsive, ever mood changing, gym, veet, weekly barber visits, repetitive American sitcoms, sports fanatic, basketball lover, good jumper and leaper, amazing father, son, older brother, husband, friend, gossip lover, centre of attention, and probably the most approachable person I know. So hopefully those who know him will agree with some of those words representing him and others will build a picture from them. 

So we’ve grown together really, we qualified together, got a place together, got married, had a baby.. All pretty huge things to go through in life, all things that can test a couple’s relationship I suppose.. But despite all the challenges and what not we’re pretty solid.. sure sometimes when he insists on sticking his chin in my back to get his way, pretends to be Scottish, breaks wind an obscene amount or pretends to be totally incapable of putting a pizza in the oven.. I think he’s smashing! He’s my husband and the father of our baby and I think he’s doing a splendid job! 

So there it is my tribute to you my husband! By now you will probably be around 10 minutes through you’re evening toilet time, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about yourself.. P.s can you please put the toilet roll back on the toilet roll holder! I hate that you leave it on the side.

Welcome to our wardrobe

So here goes, my first ever fashion blog.. this is daunting as there’s so many amazing fashionable bloggers out there who look just marvellous, so I’m going to try my best to pull the best pieces together, give you a real feel of my personal style as well as making it cute by adding in some of my daughters glorious pieces. 

It’s gonna go like this, I’m going to have some categories which I’ll keep the same each week and just update them by changes the pieces in each category (I felt like Keith lemon when I wrote that).

Oh also some things may be crinkly, that is because I can’t be bothered to iron because I’m not a very neat person. Ah and I’m also just taking photos of my clothes on my floor.. Nothing fancy no white backgrounds, let’s keep this real. 

Three of my favourite finds in my wardrobe

Living in England means a rain coat is an essential item! One that folds up small and can live in your bag until the rain strikes. I love Cath Kidston and I could spend all day in the shop, most of my kitchen is made up from Cath Kidston bits, as is my phone case and baby bag and key rings etc etc you get the picture! I love flowers. So I needed to get this! I think it was £25 but I can’t say for sure.. Which really isn’t bad, it is bad for a plastic rain coat but not bad for Cath Kidston.. So this makes me happy.

I just like this because it has elbow patches! I love stripes also, and crop jumpers are sensational but the elbow patches are all suedey and I think this is a glorious piece for the autumn weather! Not to hot not too cold. Bought from H&M for I think £9.99. 

Ok so these are a little worn but I think worn shoes are the best! These go with everything! I love tan shoes and I love ankle boots, I’ve worn these day and night and being 5’8 I am already tall so I really don’t need much of a heel. These were £45 from River Island and I reckon I’ll still be wearing these in 4 years time.. not just because I’m poor but because I love them.

Bargain of the week

This high waisted jogger kind of skirt I got from Topshop in the sale for £5.99, I’m completely mad about anchors! I have a tattoo of an anchor on my back so defiantly feel the need to buy anything with an anchor on! More of a summer piece I guess but teamed with a chunky knit cardie, some black tights and my overly worn brogues, lovely. 

Obsession of the week

BIRDS! I love birdie things, swallows, eagles any kind of bird… so this whole birds on clothes thing is amazing, I love it! Again I have a tattoo of a swallow on my wrist so I really do love birds. There’s loads around at the moment, so here are a few bits I have.. all bought in the sale may I add!

This T-shirt’s from Topshop again..( I spend a lot of my time in Topshop) It was in the sale for £12, which isn’t the cheapest really, but I love the way it’s embroidered and the colours are amazing! I have a rule that you should really always buy T-shirts in a size bigger because I like to wear them with high waisted skirts/shorts, and I like a bit of bag. 

This super sweet vest is from Pumpkin Patch, it was given to me as a present but I’ve since been in and bought more in bigger sizes.. they have the most amazing sales! I think this was £3.99 and buy one get one free (and you get two in a pack) I love that it has a bird on it, that’s really the only reason I bought more.

This necklace is adorable! I love little gold necklaces there so easy to wear and I think there so quirky. This was £1.50 in the sale at Topshop (yes Topshop again) I think it’s gorgeous and I love that the little eyes are sparkly. 

Husband steal 

This is my Husbands Levi shirt, I love wearing man things! Man things always wear really well and make you feel all little and comfy. This shirt cost him £85 so I think it deserves to be worn by more than one person to spread the cost out a bit! I think Denim looks superb thrown over something delicate.

Weekly wish list

So there’s leaves on the ground, well there’s not in Slough because we don’t have tree’s but everywhere else has leave on the ground.. Because I live in Grey Ville I think this top is brilliant as I can wear leaves! It’s a tad pricey at £48 which is why it’s on my wish list and I don’t actually own it. Thanks Topshop for making such a beautiful piece, I shall be looking out for this in the sale.

This is from River Island at £30, it’s one of those mid leg shirts which I adore! My problem is I suffer from cankles. So in order to wear this skirt I need to lose another 2 stone. But I really like it and I love mustard! I can only wear mustard if the colour isn’t near my face because I think it reflects on my teeth and my teeth look mustard. Gorgeous silk skirt though! Would look fabulous with one of those crop/bra tops I think.

My daughter has an elephant which she’s obsessed with; we’ve called her Ellie so I’m going with the whole elephant theme here.  This super delightful Knitted piece is called the Nelly the elephant vest, it’s from Cath Kidston and costs £28. I don’t know if it can be washed.. probably not because it’s totally expensive and impractical but I just thinks it’s charming!

Cute Cassie finds

I got this jacket as a hand me down, but it’s originally from George at Asda. It’s so soft and looks ultra-cute with a little hat, mitten and glove set. I am a bit obsessed with dressing my daughter like me.. I know it’s sad! But I live in my denim jacket over what usually is a floral dress, so when this got handed to me I was more than pleased.

This if you can’t recognise it is a hat, it’s one of those knitted floppy hats. I have loads and they are brilliant at coving up a bad hair days. I think you can get away with wearing these kind of hats indoors! As they sort of look like part of your outfit rather than just something you wear for practical reasons, like keeping your head warm :-S So I found this in the Mothercare sale for £1.50, bargain!

These knitted dresses are everywhere it seems, and they come with matching tights attached, so you get a whole outfit all in one! Marks and Spencers have marked all there’s down to £9 each this week and they have an array of colours. Very cute and warm, just lovely.

All in all favourite things this week: birds, anchors, denim, flowers and mustard.

So Ta dar.. There’s my first fashion blog, hope it was ok. Please give me feedback, let me know if I’m on to something here or if I should just give up because it was mega boring? Cheerio.

Me and my flowery wardrobe

My biggest memory of my 18^th birthday was heading off to the bank and getting myself a debit card.. Something I was looking forward to immensely for at least 4 years!!

I started working in a hairdressers when I was 14, earning myself around £20 a week, it was around that time that I started noticing that other girls my age were using tools to make themselves look and feel more attractive.. I discovered hair straightens, padded bras, bronzer and the thong..

From the age of 14 up until around 17 I experimented with makeup, hair dyes, and fashion.. those years were tragic, I didn’t know what I was doing and I quickly developed an obsession with lip gloss and tan. I used to get told I looked tangoed and I’m pretty sure I spent most of my school days walking around with my lip gloss dripping onto my chin. 

It took me a long time to gets things right, I cut my own hair quite a lot.. wasted a lot of money on benefit makeup that was three shades too dark for my skin, and over the years I must have used enough bleach on my hair to fill a swimming pool. I would add photos to prove just how horrifying I looked but quite frankly I don’t want to reveal the shocking state of my youth, until I’m at least 40 and then I can laugh about it. It’s still far to raw..

I seemed to get it more wrong than anyone else, I personally put it down to the fact I was still mentally the age of about 7 when I was 15 and really and truly I shouldn’t have been let loose by myself in Superdrug…  I also started hanging around with a group of girls that seemed to know a lot more about well everything than me, and perhaps me trying to keep up with their ‘coolness’ resulted in me trying too hard when really I should have just continued being pale and skinny and a little bit of retard. 

But lessons were learnt and I’m now fully aware of the dangers of a bronzer obsession and owning a debit card with an overdraft 10 times bigger than you're actual income. It took me a good few years but I finally now feel like I’m comfortable with who I am. Maybe it’s because I’m older, now a mum, and working in an industry where appearance really is the last thing that matters.. 

So at 18 I got myself into a bit of trouble, spent some money I didn’t have.. Had some fabulous outfits I didn’t actually ever wear and probably realistically went shopping for new stuff every day! It became a bit of an obsession, I became an actual shopaholic! Granted I never got over this obsession and I’m still definitely a shopaholic.. People say their a shopaholic, but when I say I am.. I really really am! Like dangerously so! I’m like a hard core addict for florals, fur, and all things pretty.

The difference is now, I’ve become somewhat of a savvy shopper, I love a good bargain and I think I now know what suits me. 

Because I’m still on maternity leave and I have a pretty girl to dress now as well, I’ve decided to start blogging about fashion.. For both me and my daughter. I’m not claiming I’m a fashionista or a know all about trends, because I'm far from... but I enjoy fashion and I love lovely things.. You may disagree and think I’m a total mess, but I’m going to give it my best shot what the hell.

So every week I’ll do my little fashion blog, I’ll include such things as: bargain of the week, my wish lists, husband steals, and super cute things I pick up during the week for my daughter. Hopefully in doing so it will distract me from going out and buying quite so much as it’ll give me a new appreciation for the things I have.. :-S

Hold tight for this week’s instalment, off to have a rummage.. oh the excitement.

Are some children born bad-mannered or is it their parents doing?

I know that we are who we are and we all have personalities and stuff but how much can a parent actually influence their child? The final product as such..

I have to get this down because for some reason it’s really playing on my mind, I think I was really wounded by it.. Maybe I’m scared that my daughter will more than likely be subjected to incidents like these over the years, and I don’t want her to be. I want her to be safeguarded and oblivious to prejudice and cruelty.. Maybe home schooling isn’t such an irrational idea? Maybe these wacky hippy mums who bring their children up on seaweed, segregated on boats.. learning about wood and water appreciation aren’t so wacky after all.

Yesterday whilst wondering round the sale aisles of Marks and Spencers, dodging elderly feet and weaving between fallen cardigans.. I came across a little girl and her mother.

This little girl was around 4 years old, so pretty young and unaware, but in my opinion still aware of what’s nice and not nice, and perhaps what shouldn’t be said? (Am I expecting too much for a 4 year old?) Anyway this little girl said to her mother “I don’t like babies” to which her mother replied “yes you do” and without any hesitation she pointed directly into my pram and said “well I don’t like that one”.. The mother looked at me and then just walked the other way with her daughter.

I was flabbergasted by this to say the least, I didn’t know what to do, I looked down at my daughter who was looking back at me completely innocent, smiling and gurgling away.. how could anyone not like her? I was actually shaking! And in shock.. Despite my short lived teenage rebellious stage I am not a confrontational person.. I don’t act quickly when it comes to comebacks and I usually find myself standing stiff in situations such as these. So I did just that, I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there hurt, feeling completely sorry for my daughter and feeling only what can be described as disgust for that child and her mother. 

I know I sound most likely like a complete drama queen because seriously it’s not really a big deal is it? Kids say thoughtless things all the time they don’t mean it!! But it really did cut deep..

It made me afraid, that one day she’s going to have to go to school and I won’t be there to defend her (or to stand there startled and hurt for her).. I won’t be able to push her away in the pram! I don’t want her to be hurt or ridiculed, the reality of the whole situation just hit me.. I remember being teased and it’s still very raw to me now.. The last thing I want is for her to receive any negative comments from anyone. Ever! 

So basically what I’m getting at is.. sure the mother didn’t apologise which personally I thought was cowardly and hideous.. But that little girl? Was she being rude? Because she’s little does she know? She has no idea how much that hurt me.. was she rude because of her mother? I don’t know.. and how protective can I be before I protect too much? So much so that one day my daughter will experience something much worse and she won’t be able to cope with it? 

I’m not ill-mannered, but maybe my daughter may say something rude one day and really hurt someone, of course I would apologise.. and she would be made to also, but how much control does a mother really ever have over what their children say in the moment? What I’m wondering is.. When a person is born how much can they be shaped into being a nice person? And even if they are shaped.. Are they really a nice person or are they just a heavily disciplined nasty person? 

Bit of a senseless blog really but I needed an outlet.. now to try and forget the matter and move forward with my home schooling plans, how ridiculous would it be to bring my child up knowing very little about Maths and English but a hell of a lot about baking and pot painting.. Advisable? Honest answers please.

Relocating strains, sweats and struggles

Moving with a child is surely something people in the world do all the time, quite often with more than one child! Or a dog or a teenager or heaven forbid teenagers… or dogs.

So why am I finding it so challenging to move with my 3 month old? She doesn’t walk or need real food but yet I seem to be working my derriere off all day.. However nothing seems to be progressing!

Blogging probably isn’t assisting in any way at all but I feel I need to outlet my annoyance, beneath the endless amounts of box’s and my attention wanting infant. 

My daughter has learnt how to shout this week, which she is demonstrating nicely as I type away, it’s a sort of grunting sheep noise which she clearly feels she needs to express, very loudly, above any other noise occurring.. Anywhere! 

So basically we’re moving! Now that the little grunting cherub is at the stage where she needs to be in a proper cot, with her own floor to roll around on and stuff! Not to mention we’re getting pretty fed up of living amongst the entire contents of Mothercare’s spring summer collection.. Which is awkward and an actual danger to my poor stubbed to bits toes. 

We currently live in a tiny 1 bedroom flat that we stayed in as students, we have an 80’s style kitchen and a neighbour who collects bread for his horses, which is bothersome to say the least.. As it means we constantly have the biggest family of beetles living at the bottom of our stairs. 

So packing.. Oh my word! I’m trying so hard to multitask between filling up box’s, providing my daughter with her breast breaks, where I also take my break to demolish any food I can find.. Whilst trying not to cover her head in crumbs. It’s really tricky! I’m like wonder woman! Never did I work this hard when I was at work! I’ve also become super strong.. Like I can move whole actually pieces of furniture on my own, with one hand! (The other hand I use to wave of these ridiculous flying spiders! They seem to love my home too! The beetles must have told them about the bread).

Also as well as packing I’m on the phone to different people trying to move things over to the new address, which I hate doing because I think I sound about 8 on the phone, and they so don’t take me seriously when I propose they give me a discount for being a loyal customer. Doesn’t help that my daughter lets rip whenever she feels to, usually when I’m on the phone! Leaving me unsure about whether to pretend the farting noise didn’t happen or to blame her, which would be the truth! But they wouldn’t believe me, and it certainly wouldn’t help me get a discount.

So overall I’m a big moaning mess, as is my daughter! Who is now having a tantrum? Are they supposed to do this at 3 months? Hopefully by next week the trauma of this will be a distant memory and I can sit back and enjoy my new spacious surroundings.. So yes my conclusion is.. Packing with baby attached to breast, Husband at work and sore toes is horrendous and wearing, and I think that anyone that has to endure this experience definitely deserves a new pair of shoes! At least!

Giving birth and all that jazz

No one ever said giving birth was a walk in the park I know this, but some people do it like 5 times don’t they, and their still alive! So I honestly was a bit cocky about the whole labor situation.. I naively thought ok I’ve had a few tattoos.. had my ears pierced twice how different can it be, pain is pain and after all that’s really want women’s bodies were made for isn’t it.. 

I considered hypnobirthing, home birth, all the different kinds of birth you can have.. I ended up having some low platelet problems and having no other option but to have a high risk labor ward birth.. bosh tosh!! Not the calm, smelly candle, head massaging kind of birth I was hoping for. 

Now that was decided for me I thought what the heck let’s just have all the drugs! So I wrote my birth plan out listing all the drugs I’d like! Being a first time mum I actually thought they would read my birth plan.. they don’t. So being all ready for all the drugs, thinking ahh well I’ve had tattoo’s I was ready and eager for the big day.

1 membrane sweep, 3 internal investigations, 2 days of contractions later and I was eating my words. Hands up to all the women that have twins and stuff cripes!!! Never in my life have I experienced the feelings I was having, exhilarating feelings as well of course but (pregnant women about to give birth please don’t read this bit) the most throbbing, agonising experience I have ever had in my life! I thought I was dying! I thought I had died! I actually thought the world had ended!

Any how, on the 18^th of June at 9am I was 4cm dilated.. by 11am I was 10! Fast work or what!! I ended up not receiving the benefits of any lovely drugs apart from gas and air which I believe I actually became addicted to! I had a failed epidural and I was shattered! Like being on the raz for 11 nights, hung over, walked a million miles in heels tired! I was told I had to push so that is what I did.

I really truly pushed! Out shot the catheter that had been inserted when they tried to give me an epidural, I was making noises I didn’t know I could generate! The gas and air was making me windy which was very comical while I was high.. but that stuff quickly wares off and reality hits within about 3 seconds. I pushed for an hour and a half, I kept hearing “there’s the head” then “it’s gone back up again” it was ghastly!

If you’ve ever watched any of the Saw films, that is how it felt! I was on the bed.. being tortured, blood everywhere, legs up in stirrups, that hour and a half felt like a life time. So after all that pushing I began to beg.. I didn’t give a toss how they got my daughter out as long as they got her out some how, in came the doctors and out came the vacuum, I had no idea this was happening.. but my husband tells me that it was like a big plunger being stuck to our babies head and they were pulling her.. almost like a tug of war, that kind of feet apart and pull action!!

Vacuum came off her head, so out came the scissors, I was snipped down there! So they did that and then pulled her out.. ouch. But then the most beautiful little messy person was put on my chest! Tons of black hair stuck to her hair, she was absolutely miniscule and flawless.

They proceeded to stitch me back up which took ages as they did it wrong and had to re do me.. that was another oh my god am I actually dieing moment! Next thing I knew I had midwives grabbing my nipples and pushing (almost head butting) by babied head against my boob. That didn’t work so they sent me on my way to recover and passed me over to the postnatal ward guys.

I was so so horrified at the experience I had just had I couldn’t actually sleep at all that night as I kept getting flash backs. I just starred at my baby all night I was in awe of her, she was so calm and looked just like my mother. I remember thinking that every minute of the pain was worthwhile and I’d do a million times over to get the same result! bleurgh sickly sweet I know but I would.

The morning after I was ready to get out of there.. like if I could have walked without my feet being a meter apart from each other.. so much so that I took up the whole corridor, I would have escaped! I went to the toilet because they said I had to, and looked down at myself in disbelief.. I don’t know if my post-partum swelling was any worse than anyone else’s but blow me sideways I did not expect it to be that much (don’t worry pregnant people it does go down).

Things were a bit tricky for a few weeks after, a couple of my stitches burst, I had to take a pillow everywhere I went and I remember swearing that I would never ever have fall pregnant again. 

I’m now 3 months postpartum and feeling glorious, I still remember the pain.. but I’m still alive and I had a natural delivery! How cool is that to say! I will have another baby, I maybe even two more! (not three though) but in a weird way it’s actually quite addictive! Like tattoo’s! It hurts but the adrenaline and the reward at the end is awesome. Obviously my daughter is much more awesome than a tattoo though. 

Haemorrhoids are now the only things remaining that remind me of the whole labor thing, their annoying and you don’t get much of a reward at the end like you do a baby or a tattoo. But I’d say that’s a small price to pay for being able to be a mummy :)